I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
Just drove past the dude that came in your sock
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
i would compare it to sliding down a velcro-covered fireman's pole naked. no more bearded men for me.
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
Also there's so much vodka on my breath that if I blew on my fingers my nail polish would fall right off
I've also stopped shaving, like, everything. I can't tell if I'm empowered or sad
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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