i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
We just had the worst moment of our late twenties.... We just realized we are too old for the real world
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
Doing lines and watching a show on hot dogs around the world ... Why do I do this to myself
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
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