I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Hey its me your friend who impressed the pharmacist by already knowing the generic version of plan b by name
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
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