I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
I think they can follow the trail of blood to my house if they have a problem with me taking a dip in their hot tub last night b4 stepping on a broken bottle
Just saw someone tackle someone else to the ground for their coors light; he's not getting back up.
Yea, now that Irene is hitting us stores aren't selling any alcohol; beer is now a precious commodity.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
He called me kiddo. We can't have sex
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
She was shaving her legs in the neighbors pool when we found her.
Where'd she get the razor?
Not the point.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
