Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
there is a money trail leading from my bathroom to my living room.. the trail ends with a half eaten bag of chips with a note that says "magical chipz".. who am i?
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I had a dream about masturbating with toys I can't afford.
My sex life and finances are equally in shambles.
My mouth tastes like what I imagine a hobo's skin would taste like.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
We got back from the bar and started watching bizzare foods, which subsequently led to the consumption of large amounts of rancid lunch meat and small insects.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
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