I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
dont quote avril lavinge. im to drunk.
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
Just threw up in nordstroms while shopping for moms bday with dad. He distracted workers for me. No more tequila
Haha its ok. When we got back you sat in the car and attempted to tell me in sign language you were blacked out lol
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
she is legit wearing a plastic bag around her neck as a necklace. she says it serves two purposes.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
I can check masterbating in China off the bucket list.
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
Randomize
