What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
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We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
she said shes getting her period tomorrow so she wants to have sex now. i didnt object. it would have been heartless.
ofcourse you didnt.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
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His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
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