No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
I'm smoking and watching the Muppets Treasure Island. Where are you?
Something about that statement reminds me just how much of a role model you are, sis.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
