I was debating whether her purse was real then I saw her puke in it.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
And then we will celebrate by drinking and making fun of him. As per usual.
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
When we were finished she immediately got up, cut a star out of a piece of paper, colored it gold, taped it to my chest and deemed me the Sheriff of Sex.
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