i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
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