wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He puked on the grill while the burgers were on. We had to go to taco bell
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
I made soup. Now I'm having post soup making wine. I had pre soup making wine also.
Randomize
