They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
The best part about living in a college town is the annual rush of senior girls who want to get in their lesbian experiment before they graduate.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
