your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
honestly i just want a cigarette and someone to go down on me... are you interested in helping with either of those
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
Randomize
