Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
What I do when I'm blackout drunk is none of my business.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
Haha. I found pics last week of me getting motorboated by a girl while i was taking a shot. Hahaha in my wedding dress. Classy
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
