guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
And dildos are 35% off. So. Ya know. Savings.
Guess I was throwing darts at a patrons head last night, lol! Black out
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Is it weird that I was turned on when he told me he had a vasectomy?
I knew you two would hit it off
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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