i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
She tried to sing jingle balls while blowing me
Listen, if I miss the flight to Vegas because she's still rimming my ass, it will have been worth it.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
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