someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
I am self-sufficient. I puked in a wine glass and emptied it in the trash. Points for style and neatness
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
I'm going to give blood tomorrow. Prepare yourself for pictures and a cynical poem about the heart and its level of tangibility.
My breasts were aching with rage.
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
I'm just wondering how Jon managed to get vomit ON THE CEILING?
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
Randomize
