When she said "surprise me" I'm positive she didn't mean "bang my roommate"
Prob not but she was surprised
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
I think I'm cybering, it's been a while and its more in depth than it was in 8Th grade.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I didn't wake up drunk this year...I must be getting soft
Yeah I guess quad-fisting Miller Lites just isn't as effective as it used to be
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Randomize
