My liver just broke up with me...
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
I swear it started with good intentions but then my slutty side took over and we started playing strip checkers
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You left me a voice message at 5 a.m. It was mostly incoherent noise, you screaming my name and then something about a man with two butt holes...
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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