i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
well as your friend its only fair to offer my cock for your services. Cause I care.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
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