Barsexuality is the new black.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I panicked i brought burritos. Funeral burritos
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
You showed me your butthole that's like a mating call in other species
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Randomize
