brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
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My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
holy shit i just had sex in a phone booth i so feel young again
okay when i look at this i can see it on the future news along with the headline "picture scandal involving senatorial candidate sexually harassing drunken idiot in what appears to be a pink room of pain"
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
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She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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