How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
Once you realized you couldn't finish the 30 you started walking down the street and leaving a beer in everyone's mailbox
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
chasing tequila with frosting. best baby shower ever.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
