Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
It's okay. My lingerie drawer is skanky enough for the two of us. Even across borders.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
Yeah then you killed that bottle of Bacardi in under 20 minutes. So much for being an organ donor.
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
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