whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
Using a joint as a bookmark. What is my life?
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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