on the last problem of the exam i just drew a picture of a cat and left
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
Tempted to tell the Titos promoters at this bar that they are doing the lords work.
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Im so unlucky if I fell in a barrel of dicks, I'd come our sucking my thumb
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