Scared. last time someone tried to talk me into they said it tastes like tapioca and i projectiled onto a closed window
Omg just want to confirm: got drunk, naked in street, fucked in bathroom and puked on bart.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
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