in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
The best part of listening to lady gaga while high is that any word your brain puts in is right.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
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