I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
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i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
One date. That's all it took. I want to have his geunis babies in me. One date.
Do ex girlfriends even count for summer sexcapades. Seems like the damage had already been done
Victory lap
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
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Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
We need to talk about your improper dealings with the town drug dealer.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
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