Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I fucked him in the bathroom at Cedar Point. if it hadn't been for me already combining my two favorite things in the world the whole bathroom thing would have been a little disgusting.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
My ass is underappreciated
If you're into enormous nipples, you should ask out my office's receptionist.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
At what point in a new hookup do you tell the guy you need to wear a mouth guard when you sleepover because of your TMJ? Asking for a friend.
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