Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Fuck appropriateness.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he's listed in a fb relationship with a girl born in 1993. i'm too drunk to do the math on that one, but i am sober enough to know that's illegal
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
Freshmen girls are like potato chips you can't have just one.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
I've been smoking weed using candles all week and I just found a lighter. This may truly be the happiest moment of my life. It's embarrassing how excited I got
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
My husband is waiting until son is napping and air humps as a seduction tactic. Pray for me.
Randomize
