I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
Come over. I have beer, your weird ass vegan pizza, and a raging hard on.
Marry me.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
