she smelled like a LAN party
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
I just had sex with the male version of myself. looks, mindset, even our boob to dick ratio was the same
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
TSA doesn’t allow handcuffs in carryon bags. Super fun they confiscated them in front of my boss and coworker.
Randomize
