my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
How could you not respond to a text containing the words "goat man" ?!?
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
VOOOODKA VOOODKA WE PLEDGE OUR LOVE TO THEEEE VODKAAAA VODKAAAA SAVIOR OF LIBERTYYYY
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
Dude, putting on underwear straight out of the dryer is the greatest thing ever. It feels like I wrapped my vagina in a warm blanket.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Randomize
