I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
I intend to get homeless drunk
This taco party has no tacos, just a hot asian guy in booty shorts. We were lied to.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
