I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Randomize
