i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Vomit your little heart out. You've got a long day tomorrow
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
Randomize
