This is how I know I have no life... Jon and Kate are my emotional roller coaster.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
I told her at least we still had each other. That's when she started crying.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
she passed out facedown in my lap while I was playing piano. 11 years of piano lessons finally paid for themselves.
triple team girl just facebook chatted me. do i tell her i had a nice time?
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
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