the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
I just found out I have a small penis.
Couldn't you tell by how you've NEVER had a girlfriend?
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
fuck yea just found my unicorn costume from when i was 8... still fits
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I am coping with the snow storm with beer and shots of jack. If I were outside in shorts I might be able to pass as a Canadian.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
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