jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
There's weed in my toothpaste. Explain.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
I just feel weird about accepting their wedding invite when I've got a post-engagement video on my phone of him jacking off in my bathroom.
Randomize
