you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She blew me in the back of the cab while eye of the tiger was on the radio. Top five all time automatically
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
The best part of Easter was watching all his colorblind cousins try to find the eggs.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Can you tell dad to stop liking and sharing porn on FB again?
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Randomize
