hey its robert, we just made out in the backyeard. i'm inside now and you should come to the bathroom and meet me.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
I'm fucking camped out by the bathrooms. I think the poopatrator is in there. Wtf is my life
Almost an end to the saga.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
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