i met him on craigslist. and no i'm not a hooker.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
I think I have vodka in my lungs
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
why is there a broken handcuff locked to the ceiling fan
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Are you alive? Cause this is my official "im actually alive" text.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
