I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
Do you know how when animals have surgery they put those cones around their heads so they can't lick their wounds so they can heal? I think someone should invent that for human emotions.
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
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