what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Just had to masturbate in the bathroom because mom changed my room into a "knitting" room. I hate coming home.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
This is where you say "Why yes we will drink with reckless abandon and hopefully not be in a church parking lot again."
Finding that toy duck there was weird right?
I found out he put two potatoes in a jar because he wants to make his own vodka.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
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