I thought it was weird that her dad told me to finish and get out after he walked in on us. I like him
I can feel you judging me through the phone.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
i came home after a long day at work and she dropped a plate of cheesecake and a bottle of whiskey in front of me and said here's dinner
My hookup from last weekend apparently got arrested today... his roommate just tagged me on facebook asking for bail money.
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
there is a tent in the living room. its a vip tent room. i want in.
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