can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
so i woke up in some guy's bed but then i realized i can atone for this tomorrow
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I've come to the conclusion while folding laundry and watching porn that I may be dead inside.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
I woke up in a trash can. Please dude. I don't know what I did to you last night, but I'm sorry. Epically sorry. Please call me back. Please.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
shut up and let me use my vagina as a weapon of self destruction in peace!
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
I couldn't be more proud to be a cougar. Just wondering how these twenty somethings learned how to fuck so well? Must be porn.
Randomize
