Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
i wasn't gonna shower then i remembered i slept in my own piss
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
dude. i woke up on a random lawn wearing only my boxers, with all my clothes hung in the branches of a nearby tree... no more shrooms
Randomize
