i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
81 degrees in april.... Thinking margaritacicles, you in?
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
We only initially bonded over boobs and sarcasm
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Randomize
