it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
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