Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
I hope that the reason I've been psycho on him is that I'm pregnant and not just psycho.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
You could become Eskimo brothers with my dad. How can you pass that up? You pussy.
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Your brother's naked in the courtyard again. Just a head's up.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
I can see their wedding vows now: 'Til basicness do us part
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
He’s disease free and drives a Porsche. What else does a girl need?
Randomize
