I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
We're upstairs smoking....the password is pineapple
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I don't know man, I have to ask my girlfriend if I can borrow my balls from her purse.
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I will never look at a penis the same again. After that I will appreciate them so much more than I do. Makes me wanna kiss yours just for being pretty
My skirt was too short for the church and I brought my flask to the Scrooge play. God bless us, everyone!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
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