Shaq going to Cleveland; Vince Carter to the Magic; Michael Jackson, Farrah Fawcett, and Ed McMahon die.... ARMAGEDDON IS UPON US!!!!!
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
My cardio is walking around the office looking for free food.
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
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