i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
You threw up at the outdoor bar and it was pretty...astonishing just how much can come out of such a small human.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Randomize
