Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I pooped in a mop bucket.
WTF???
Their employee restroom was locked what kind of customer service is that
i just carried on a conversation with my mother from another room mid-ejaculation. you would have done the same
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Eating an avocado like an apple while doing shots of fireball and watching finding nemo. I need to get my shit together.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
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