If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
please don't text me until you can spell three letter words again.
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
He was showing him the picture of the 40 year old woman he made out with in Florida, turns out Chris made out with the same woman.
Go her
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
