I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
tequila makes me forget i have legs
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
He did the "not my house dance." Apparently it involves spreading cereal on the floor and then grinding into the carpet in bare feet while singing "not my house" over and over and dancing.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
I’m going to have to rewatch all of them. Drugs, man.
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