I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
what if every blade of grass was a penis?
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
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