I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
Dude..masurbate with cocoa butter lotion..its like cocoa pebbles just gave me a hand job
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Yeah he got kind of mad when he found out he had chased his last two shots with a combination of orange soda, water, and used mouth wash.
the scent of your tears make me crave pizza
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
I ran into my boss at the liquor store on our lunch hour we both just stood there awkwardly until i was like your car bar or mine hahaha we both need a cab
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
My liver is fucking rocky. Get knocked down 7 times and gets up 8. World champ
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
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