Umm I'm too high to move.
i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
i would only ever fuck harry potter if he was on a broomstick.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
But we have bathrooms and they dont
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
