I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
I had his cock in my mouth and he still wouldn't shut up about Star Wars.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I puked on myself in front of a customer. all. over. myself. thanks Saturday nights
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
My Canadian brought me three bottles of maple syrup, a sunflower, and a pair of Oakleys back to the states...he's either drunk or he loves me
I don't want to date him...I just want him to cheat on his girlfriend with me.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
