I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
I have no idea, but there's a bus parked in front of my house and like 6 texts saying im gonna prove my love. this is either really really awesome or really really bad.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
she got the mcdonald's logo tattooed on her ass. sober. yesterday at noon.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
