how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
Sex-sore abs and my workout pants have gravel stains on the knees. It's like the workout of shame.
Is it just me or does the sex still keep getting better? I wasn't crying, my eyes just watered from how hard I was cumming.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Randomize
