i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
Thank you for making it possible for me to get laid while having peace of mind my dog is well taken care of.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
I can't believe I ever hated her sister or friends. They got her some sexy sexy ass lingerie for the honeymoon. I think I love them bitches
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
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