i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
ugly people sure do ruin things
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
He doesn't need a wingman, he needs a miracle
my cup is half full, half full of rum.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
He did a backflip because drugs
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