i barfeds in our rink
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
You think you know everything because you're wearing a sweater
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
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