ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
I just slapped my cat in the face with my dildo. You were the only one I could tell.
He probs deserved it.
Every good man does.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Its a Guy he gets weed for. I'm kinda confused as to why there are going to even be tuxedos involved at all.
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
She just gave me a free latte.
Correction. She just have you a frothy, creamy path to that vagina.
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The air was thick with penises
So I'm at that stage in my life where I am stalking my stalker just to get laid
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
YOUR VAGINA IS SO CUTE IT'S LIKE A LITTLE MACAROON
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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