I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Randomize
