my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
I think I found my soulmate. This guy in front of me is yelling about getting laid while holding two beers and texting. I think this is love.
yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
Our 450 pound cab driver smells like McDonalds and sunblock with a touch of vodka. Correction I smell like vodka.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Randomize
