Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
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