My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I have vodka and explosives. For once, we can blow something up that isn't a blow-up doll.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Well I hate to admit it but at this point I can successfully say i have been pee'd on by both of my roommates.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
