I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
You know me. im down for anything that could harm my well being. lets dress like dolphins so everyone will see what dicks they are.
I would not be 19 again if you paid me. Guess who found naked pictures of themselves? Fuck cocaine
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
If I died tonight, I'd be content knowing you were the last person to see my boobs.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
Randomize
