yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
my lips are numb and my face feels like a pool. PENGUINSSSSSS
Share, now.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
