So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
You introduced yourself and she said "wow that's a long name" and you went "yeah well you should see my dick."
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
