im drinking this country out of the recession.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
I just realized. my grades aren't ready for st patties day...
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
she asked me where ive been her entire life and the guy in the room next to us yelled "with other women bitch!"
Vodka?
Forever.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
The roommate asked me to make sure no one fucked in his room. And then preceded to give only me permission to fuck in his room. Had no idea who I was, just thought I was trustworthy cause I had Edward 40 hands. Felt like a Tarantino movie.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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