she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
i'm sitting in the library realizing that the 2 most productive things i did this weekend was have sex and go to the liquor store...
I'm covered in salsa and facewash. I think I'm doing something wrong over here.
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
Randomize
