So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
By the end of the cruise, there was literally nothing in our room he hadn't peed on.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
You said you wanted to start a restaurant called 'Barbecue' where everything is barbecued. You sounded really proud of your concept.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
Think I have the only job where I can be naked in a room with my manager at work. Apart from hookers
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
