I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
I drunkenly recorded an episode of Family Matters last night. I took a shot everytime Carl Winslow had a mustache.
Changed my sheets. Found a can of rockstar, crushed bag of tostitos, used tissues, and enough of both of our clothes to make a whole outfit.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
the second she challenged me to mario kart drinking game i knew i was in love
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
Randomize
