remind me tomorrow that nothing happen between me and the guy who's shirt i'm wearing
you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
you guys just sat there and simultaneously smoked bowls staring at each other... it was like a bowl off or something.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
