Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
oh great. kentucky is ranked #1 in the country for child abuse. go us.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
Family bonfire. I just discovered my cousin drank an entire bottle of champagne at the age of 7. I just got showed up.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
At leat we can cross off 'having sex in a classroom' on our bucket list.
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
