guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
A horse told me not to drive home last night. I think there was a cop on top of it.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
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