yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
i woke up to her playing with my penis. just wiggling it around and around. awkward night? i would say so.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
Pulling over on the side of the road to set off fireworks was the worst idea you have ever had. I don't care if it was called a friendship pagoda.
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
You okay? Last night you climbed through my window and demanded I take shots with you and when I refused you took a piss in my front yard.
that's your fault. you refused to take shots with me.
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
It's alright. I'm just trying to make her realize you're not good enough for her.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
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